Family law, like no other practice area of law, is fraught with emotion, tension, and discourse. After all, if the parties could get along and reach civil resolution, they would probably not need family law attorneys, right? But does the parties’ incivility have to pass along to the lawyer’s behavior toward one another?  In fact, family law attorneys must work harder than lawyers in other practice areas to remain civil to each other because our duty as lawyers is to be a neutral voice of reason that sees beyond and above the emotion of the case.

Here are 10 suggestions a family law attorney can use to help the client remain civil in an emotional situation:

  • Set reasonable expectations for the client – give clients an accurate assessment of the worst possible outcome and the best possible outcome for all of the issues in the case and help them to understand where their expectations may lie outside of those ranges.
  • Explain the alternative to litigation – discuss with clients up front the downside to litigation, including the unretractable consequences of a contested trial, and suggest ways to resolve the case without going to those extremes. Discuss settlement possibilities, mediation, and other methods of resolution.
  • Do not involve family members. Often ancillary parties can stir emotions and tension in a case without fully understanding all of the issues at play. Keeping third parties out of the discussion as much as possible encourages the people who are directly involved in the problem to deal with each other.
  • Discourage revenge tactics – this is where the lawyer has to be the voice of reason. Often emotions give a desire for revenge. But revenge tactics will not be effective in the long run of the case and may increase the tension and certainly the cost.
  • Take the high road – Maintain perspective on the ultimate goal of resolution of the case and don’t engage in tactics that do not further the goal of resolution.
  • Do not engage in name-calling or making extreme statements – remember that these people have to interact and deal with each other long after the case is over so engaging in extreme behavior is seldom warranted or conducive to the goal of resolution.
  • Avoid burdensome discovery requests – By utilizing unnecessary discovery requests, an attorney raises the cost of litigation and looses focus on resolution of the case.
  • Do not take the client’s case personally – I frequently tell younger lawyers to remember the euphemism “not my case, not my monkeys”. We didn’t marry the opposing party or have babies with him/her. The lawyer goes home at night to his/her own family and problems. Don’t take the clients with you.

Hat tip to Lisa DuFour and Carol Bailey and their article Civility and Family Law – Not an Oxymoron in the August 2017 edition of Family Lawyer Magazine.

Part 2 of 4 in the series Civility in Law.

Print:
Email this postTweet this postLike this postShare this post on LinkedIn
Photo of Michelle O'Neil Michelle O'Neil

Michelle May O’Neil has 30+ years’ experience representing small business owners, professionals, and individuals in litigation related to family law matters such as divorce, child custody, and complex property division. Described by one lawyer as “a lethal combination of sweet-and-salty”, Ms. O’Neil exudes…

Michelle May O’Neil has 30+ years’ experience representing small business owners, professionals, and individuals in litigation related to family law matters such as divorce, child custody, and complex property division. Described by one lawyer as “a lethal combination of sweet-and-salty”, Ms. O’Neil exudes genuine compassion for her client’s difficulties, yet she can be relentless when in pursuit of a client’s goals. One judge said of Ms. O’Neil, “She cannot be out-gunned, out-briefed, or out-lawyered!”

Family Law Specialist

Ms. O’Neil became a board-certified family law specialist by the Texas Board of Legal Specialization in 1997 and has maintained her certification since that time. While representing clients in litigation before the trial court is an important part of her practice, Ms. O’Neil also handles appellate matters in the trial court, courts of appeals and Texas Supreme Court. Lawyers frequently consult with Ms. O’Neil on their litigation cases about specialized legal issues requiring particularized attention both at the trial court and appellate levels. This gives her a unique perspective and depth of perception that benefits both her litigation and appellate clients.

Top Lawyers in Texas and America

Ms. O’Neil has been named to the list of Texas SuperLawyers for many years, a peer-voted honor given to only about 5% of the lawyers in the state of Texas. Ms. O’Neil received the special honor of being named by Texas SuperLawyers as one of the Top 50 Women Lawyers in Texas, Top 100 Lawyers in Texas, and Top 100 Lawyers in DFW for multiple years. She was named one of the Best Lawyers in America and received an “A-V” peer review rating by Martindale-Hubbell Legal Directories for the highest quality legal ability and ethical standards.

Author and Speaker

A noted author, Ms. O’Neil released her second book Basics of Texas Divorce Law in November 2010, with a second edition released in 2013, and a third edition expected in 2015.  Her first book, All About Texas Law and Kids, was published in September 2009 by Texas Lawyer Press. In 2012, Ms. O’Neil co-authored the booklets What You Need To Know About Common Law Marriage In Texas and Social Study Evaluations.  The State Bar of Texas and other providers of continuing education for attorneys frequently enlist Ms. O’Neil to provide instruction to attorneys on topics of her expertise in the family law arena.