Dallas Divorce Law Blog : Dallas Texas Divorce Lawyer & Attorney : O'Neil Attorneys Law Firm : TX Child Support & Custody Issues

Posted by Michelle May O'Neil on July 25, 2011

Like the gay rights ("Marriage Equality") movement, black civil rights movement, and feminist movement, the Fathers' Rights movement is grounded in constitutional rights and imperatives. It has grown out of the very real changes in men's traditional roles in Western society, and the current generation's more egalitarian attitude towards shared parenting, which has resulted in gender neutral custody laws in virtually every state of the United States. Despite the changing laws on the books, there is still a perception that there is a gender bias in family law, and that fathers are discriminated against in custody decisions.

As family law attorneys in Dallas, TX, we regularly see custody disputes first hand. Although we represent mothers and fathers in equal number, we are no longer surprised when fathers are awarded custody rights. Sole custody agreements are a vanishing breed in the family law practice. Today, most fathers we meet with are seeking at least some form of joint custody, whether it is decision making or shared parenting.

A semi-typical case where a change of custody to the father may happen could be when a teenager declares that he/she'd rather live with Dad. (Those cases are usually resolved pretty quickly -- in most courtrooms, teenagers get what they want.) Judges, law guardians, and forensic psychologists are more enlightened these days about the rights of fathers, and the rights of children to be raised by their fathers. The fact is that fathers who are active and involved in raising their children are almost always given the opportunity to continue that role post divorce.

The value of fathers cannot be denied. But neither can the economic incentives that play a major role in custody disputes. For every father that has a good faith motivation for seeking primary custody (he is more bonded to the children, or the mother is mentally ill or drug addicted), there is a father who hasn't seen his children in months but declares upon being served with divorce papers that he should have custody. After all, he can do as good a job as the mother, and so why shouldn't he receive child support?

Recently, Jacqueline Harounian, Partner at The Law Firm of Wisselman, Harounian & Associates, did a radio program about fathers' rights. Many of the callers were men who felt victimized by high child support payments, and harsh child support enforcement measures, including wage garnishments, and incarceration. While the Family Court can grant relief in limited cases, the truth is that the government is unyielding and unsympathetic to so called "deadbeat dads" who owe child support. The sad reality is that many of these fathers do not even have a relationship with their children. Statistics show a strong correlation between active and involved fathers and those who willingly pay child support. (It must be mentioned that the system is just as punitive to mothers who owe child support, and more and more, mothers are being jailed for contempt for violating custody orders.)

Advice to those fathers who are concerned about child support? If you are seeking financial relief from your child support obligations due to a change of circumstances (such as job loss, or illness) run -- don't walk -- to Family Court. Do not let arrears accumulate, because there is very little that can be done to address it retroactively. But more importantly, be an active and involved father for your children. Children need mothers and fathers. They need financial and emotional support from both parents. Raising children costs money --- lots of it. But the non-monetary rewards to both children and their fathers are incalculable.

Hat tip to Jacqueline Harounian for her May 13, 2011 post                                                                                                                                                                                           

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Posted by Michelle May O'Neil on July 18, 2011

Is "revenge surgery" a growing trend? A recent study by the Transform Cosmetic Group in Great Britain revealed that more than a quarter of the patients who visit plastic surgeons' offices are newly divorced women.

ABC's Ashleigh Banfield spoke to several women about their post-split operations, including 43 year old Alicia Hunter, a single mother of two, lost 60 pounds, got a new set of boobs and underwent a few tweaks of Botox to boot.

"It’s very liberating to feel good within your own skin," she said. "I always thought it would be a little bit life-changing and it has been."

However Dr. Jon Turk, a New York City plastic surgeon, cautions against going under the knife for the wrong reasons.

"Patients who come in who are bitter or angry about their divorce and looking to use surgery to either make their spouse jealous or to just fill some type of emotional void, those are the ones that I think we really need to counsel carefully," he said.

And so the debate is on: Should divorced women try to recapture their youth through surgery, and are their cosmetic surgery extremes more a confidence-boosting fresh start, or revenge against their former husbands?

Watch the full story at http://abcnews.go.com/Health/plastic-surgery-divorce-revenge-confidence-boost/story?id=13571751

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Posted by Michelle May O’Neil on July 11, 2011

Accept that you may not have the control you would like to have over the legal costs. If your spouse is unwilling to negotiate a settlement and wants to drag matters over a period of time or through to trial, the legal costs will escalate. Sometimes one or both spouses start out not fully comprehending the stress and high costs that are involved in fighting it out in the litigation process. Months later they may come to the realization that it is better to work out a settlement to end the “emotional and financial bleed” and get on with their lives. Sometimes one or both spouses are so angry that they will do everything possible to drag matters out just to have their “day in court.” Then they realize only too late that putting their lives in the hands of the court is anything but empowering. The court may make decisions that neither of them desires.

Taking the things that you cannot control into account, you can do some things to make your time with your lawyer more cost effective and control your legal costs to some extent.

• Gather, photocopy, and organize all of your personal and family financial documents and records. This includes your personal income tax returns and any and every document you can find that relates to your family finances, such as cancelled checks, records of investments, loan agreements, bank account statements, insurance policies, real estate documents, RRSPs, and the like. If you have a marriage agreement, a domestic contract, or any other agreement, your lawyer will also require these documents.
• Calculate all of your current overheads. If you haven’t been keeping records of your expenses before, start writing down everything that you spend money on-groceries, gas, utilities, child care, your children’s haircuts, your children’s extra-curricular activities, your children’s medications. Keep a record of everything that you spend to support yourself and your children on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis.
• If you have friends who have been through this process and can give you practical advice, listen and consider their input. Although each situation is unique, learning from the experiences of others can help you focus on the specific matters that you will need to discuss with your lawyer.
• Plan your telephone and face to face meetings with your lawyer. Write down your questions before you talk or meet. When your lawyer gives you advice, take notes so that you have the information you need to make the best decisions for you and your children.
• If your lawyer calls you but your children are in the room, or for some other reason you do not feel you can concentrate on the matters at hand, ask for a time that would be convenient for you to return the call. Call back when you are feeling calm and prepared and assured of privacy.
• Do not use your lawyer’s billable time to talk about your emotional situation.
• Do not have your lawyer do all the legwork if there are matters you can handle.

Make the calls, pick up the documents, and do whatever you can to gather any information or documents that your lawyer requires. But of course you also need to consider the trade-off of the cost of your time versus the cost of your lawyer or his or her assistants doing this work.

• Ask your lawyer directly if there is anything that you can personally do to keep the costs down.

In matters of property division, you may have to provide records to determine any worth that is separate from the family property or you may have had prior to the marriage. If you had a marriage contract, these matters may be dealt with there. If not, you will need to provide the appropriate documentation. If you owned property or had investments such as an RRSP prior to your marriage, do you have valuations as at the date of the marriage? If you do not have the records to substantiate property or investments you believe should not be considered in the division of the matrimonial property, can your financial advisor, present or former employer or banker provide information that would substantiate your claim? There are professionals who do forensic valuations of property but these services will add costs to the bottom line of your separation or divorce.

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Posted by Michelle May O'Neil on July 4, 2011

In a national news report by Ellen Levya at KABC-TV, it seems prenuptial agreements are not just for people getting married anymore. Out of the more than 12 million unmarried couples living under the same roof in America, many of them are choosing to sign a pre-nup-like agreement in lieu of a marriage license.  Apparently, this is the latest legal trend aimed at protecting singles and their assets.

Why are all these unmarried couples taking this direction? In a poll of divorce attorneys, 48% said that they have seen an increase in unmarried couples headed to court over issues when there is a split. 

Now a growing number of these couples are choosing to sign co-habitation agreements. These are legally binding agreements for couples that share a home, but aren't married in the traditional sense.  They outline the couple’s expectations for their relationship, and also what happens in the event that the relationship ends, either by death or by simply deciding they're not going to live together anymore.

These co-habitation agreements can range from simple to complex, covering everything from medical decisions and health insurance. They can even cover who's responsible for debt and what to do with a house, cars, furniture, even pets.

Dr. Anne-Renee Testa, a relationship coach, says these agreements are just a sign of the times. That's because over the last 20 years, the number of unmarried couples living under the same roof has skyrocketed by more than 85%.

Dr. Testa says, "Any couple that is interested in being intelligent about their relationship should do something like this because it absolutely clears the air.”

In my own practice as a Family Law attorney in Dallas, I have found these co-habitation agreements to be beneficial to same sex couples as well as traditional couples that live together without being married.  They even work for people living together who are not romantically involved, such as roommates. 

The important thing is not to think of these agreements as a negative thing. It is not about control over the other person, or distrust in one another. It is really just a protection mechanism for both parties involved in the relationship, just like a prenuptial agreement for traditional married couples.

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