Dallas Divorce Law Blog : Dallas Texas Divorce Lawyer & Attorney : O'Neil Attorneys Law Firm : TX Child Support & Custody Issues

By Jane Nahirny 
Posted by Michelle May O'Neil

Rose was so mad she could hardly see straight. She and her husband, Jim, were six months into their "trial separation" when she discovered that he had been dating someone else. Reeling from the impact of the painful news, she sped over to his new apartment, intent on learning every last detail about the new woman in his life. Her heart pounded and terrifying questions flashed through her mind as she drove: "How could he have lied to me? Who was this other woman? Was she attractive?" And, perhaps worst of all, "What was I thinking when I suggested that we should separate?"

Anger is a very familiar emotion for all of us. And in healthy relationships, it can be an overwhelmingly positive force in our lives. "Anger is a very healthy emotion," says Chet Mirman, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist and director of The Center for Divorce Recovery. "Healthy anger can tell us if there's something wrong -- something painful and threatening that we need to take care of. It helps us protect ourselves, and to know when people are crossing our boundaries."

But for couples who are going through separation or divorce, anger is often anything but healthy. In her informative book The Good Divorce (Harper Perennial, 1995), Dr. Constance Ahrons defines divorce-related anger as "an extreme rage, vindictiveness, and over-powering bitterness that is felt when a love relationship is ending. It is a special kind of anger that usually hasn't been experienced before."

When anger is coupled with divorce, it's often used as a misguided means of hanging on to a failed marriage. After all, for many people, a bad relationship is better than no relationship at all. Divorce anger allows people to punish their ex as often as possible, all while maintaining an ongoing (bitter) relationship with him/her. It's a situation that leaves both partners in divorce limbo -- a perilous situation that obstructs growth and self-awareness.

Some people hold onto their anger so tightly -- stoking the fires on a daily basis -- that their rage takes over their whole lives, coloring and informing all their thoughts and actions. They weigh every action to see how much emotional or physical harm it will inflict on their ex-spouse -- even simply being a nuisance will do in a pinch -- without seeing the injuries they may be inflicting on innocent victims.

Look for next week's continued discussion on divorce-related anger.

More information on health and well-being articles:
 

The Good Karma Divorce

How to Handle Your Emotions during Divorce

Anger Management 
 

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Posted by Ashley Russell on March 24, 2011          

           Spring is in the air and summer is right around the corner.  Sun, baseball, vacations, and extended summer possession are just two months away. And, for parents operating under the Texas Family Code’s Standard Possession Order, the April 1^st and April 15^th deadlines for parents to designate extended summer possession and summer trump weekends are fast approaching.   

          In addition to normal weekend possession during the summer, under the Standard Possession Order a parent without the right to designate the primary residence of the child shall have extended summer possession for 30 days (if that parent lives within 100 miles of the child’s primary residence) or for 42 days (if that parent lives more than 100 miles away from the child’s primary residence). This extended summer possession must be exercised in no more than two separate periods of no less than seven consecutive days each.  Provided the parent gives the primary conservator written notice on or before April 1^st each year, they can designate any time for their possession from the time school is dismissed for summer until seven days before the child’s school resumes after summer vacation. If the non-primary parent fails to provide notice of their extended summer possession dates by April 1^st, then they will have extended summer possession beginning at 6 pm on July 1^st and ending a 6 pm on July 31^st (June 15^th – July 27^th for parents who reside more than 100 miles from their child’s primary residence).

           Similarly, under the Standard Possession Order, primary parents can designate one weekend during the non-primary parent’s extended summer possession during which the primary parent will have possession of the child.  In order to exercise this “trump” weekend, the primary parent must pick up and return the child to the non-primary parent and must give the non-primary parent written notice of their weekend by April 15th.  Likewise, primary parents have another deadline of April 15^th (or 14 days in advance) to provide the non-primary parent with written notice of one weekend during the child’s summer vacation during which an otherwise scheduled weekend period of possession by the non-primary parent will not take place.  This second “trump” weekend cannot interfere with Father’s day (if the father is the non-primary parent) or with the non-primary parent’s extended summer possession.  

          As a Texas family law attorney, I understand the importance of summer time possession for “primary” and “non-primary” parents alike.  Complying with the notice provisions of your child custody order can help summer time planning go more smoothly for everyone, including your children, and helps minimize (to the extent possible) friction and misunderstandings between you and your ex.  So, keep April 1^st and April 15^th in mind and happy planning!      

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In any Dallas Texas divorce proceeding, the issue of how to divide assets and debts must be resolved. Not every asset is obviously "separate" or obviously of the "community." Basically, community property will be divided between the spouses because it is marital property. Separate property will not be divided because it is not marital property. The challenge is in characterizing each item, one at a time.

This may be disappointing news for some but, in general, assets acquired during the marriage will likely be characterized as community property. Of course, there are always exceptions to that. These "exceptions" are usually limited to assets owned before the marriage, or acquired by gift or inheritance during the marriage.

What is transmutation of property?

Transmute means to convert. The transmutation of separate property, then, means converting what started as separate property into either community property or the separate property of the other spouse.

Under Texas divorce law, transmutation may occur by agreement, by gift, or by commingling.

When one spouse places their separate real property into a joint ownership, for example, we presume that a gift occurred. This seemingly simple act has significant consequences for spouses who do not understand this when they transfer title from their own name to both names. For example, when a party owns a home prior to the marriage, then refinances the home during the marriage and the home gets retitled into both spouses names, they have just "gifted" the value of the home to the marriage - it's now an asset of the other spouse as well.

In a divorce, the division of property and debt settlement can be quite complex and very confusing. When you need to protect your financial future, contact the Dallas family law attorneys at the O'Neil Attorneys Family Law. Our attorneys possess the legal knowledge and financial tools to ensure that you are not taken advantage of in your divorce.

Hat tip to Scott David Stewart of the Phoenix Arizona divorce law blog for  this article.

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You are going through divorce -- you retain an attorney and at the end of the day you have a visceral reaction -- you either love or hate your divorce attorney. While a good attorney could use his legal knowledge and skills to get you a better settlement, the facts of your case largely determine the outcome of your case. So why then, do clients have such extreme reactions to their lawyers?

In large measure, the client’s satisfaction with his legal representation is directly related to his expectations from the attorney-client relationship. So what can the client expect of his attorney?

Cathy Meyer in her article Are You Expecting Too Much From Your Divorce Attorney? identifies five things clients should minimally expect from their attorneys:

1. Regular Communication.

Responsiveness is crucial. More complaints are lodged against attorneys with disciplinary boards for not returning phone calls than any other reason.

In my office, it is the practice to attempt to return calls and answer client emails the day they are received . Divorce is emotionally charged. It can be nerve wracking and gut wrenching. Your attorney should expeditiously answer your questions and address your concerns in a timely manner.

2. Full Disclosure.

Your attorney should be willing to discuss in full with you what is happening in your case and what they expect to happen in the future. A good divorce attorney will suggest strategies for your case; explain the discovery process, negotiate on your behalf, and have your back should you go to divorce court.

Client’s should receive copies of all letters, emails and legal documents. When the communication involves a client’s substantive rights, the client should have an opportunity to review the final product before it goes out.

3. Due Process.

It is your divorce attorney's responsibility to make sure you are treated fairly by the court during your divorce.

4. Availability.

Appointments with your divorce attorney are an opportunity for you to gauge where you are in the divorce process and the direction your case is heading. If you have a divorce attorney who cancels or rushes you through appointments, you have a bad divorce attorney.

5. Basic Courtesy and Civility.

Little things matter. It costs nothing to be courteous and polite. While the adage “the customer is always right” be not be 100% accurate in a divorce case, the client is always entitled to respect and common courtesy. When differences of opinion arise on how an issue should be handled, the client is entitled to a reasoned, but polite explanation. It is seldom productive to be rude, derisive or hostile

In the end, the client should expect the attorney to counsel and to communicate a strategy and an analysis of the relevant facts and law to enable the client to make informed decisions about their case.

Hat tip to Daniel Clement of the most excellent New York Divorce Report.

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Via Dick Price's excellent Tarrant County Divorce blog, he points to Daniel Clement who writes an excellent blog, the New York Divorce Report, where he had some good lessons for anyone going through a divorce.

Contemplating divorce or already engaged in one? No matter where you are in the process, five common sense rules apply to all family law cases:

For information about Family Law Attorney in Dallas, Texas, contact O'Neil Attorneys Family Law.

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