15. “Ah yes, divorce…from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” – Robin Williams

14. “The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.” – Johnny Carson

13. “The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.” – Woody Allen

12. “I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor

11. “To get over my divorce, I got a prescription to live at the Playboy mansion for a while.” – James Caan

 

10. “I’d marry again if I found a man who had $15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he’d be dead in a year.” – Bette Davis

9. “She cried – and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.” – Tommy Manville

8. “I can’t get divorced because I’m a Catholic. Catholics don’t get divorced. They stay together through anger and hatred and festering misery, just like God intended.” – Lenny Clarke

7. “I look a divorce this way: it’s better to have loved and lost, then to live with that bitch for the rest of my life.” – Steve McGrew

6. “Marriage isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Let me tell you, honestly. Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce.” – Larry Gelbart

 

5. “Divorce sucks. Let me tell you, after five years of marriage, it is devastating to have the person with the good credit move out.” – Rich Vos

4. “Workaholicism is such a tough addiction to get over. I had to divorce my wife because she was an enabler.” – Dave Mordal

3. “What happened? Satan was busy?” – Sam Kinison on finding out his wife had hired lawyer Marvin Mitchelson to represent her in her divorce case against him.

2. “I can’t take his genius any more.” – Rita Hayworth on why she divorced Orson Welles

1. “You know why divorces are so expensive? Because they’re worth it.” – Willie Nelson
 

The 15 Funniest Quotes About Divorce
Darndivorce.com <– I love this site!

Thank you to Whip It Out Comedy for their hilarious collection of divorce quotes.